Horror Thoughts ‘14—Argento’s Dracula (2013) *½

NR, 110 min.

Director: Dario Argento

Writers: Dario Argento, Enrique Cerezo, Stefano Piani, Antonio Tenori, Bram Stoker (book)

Starring: Thomas Kretschmann, Marta Gastini, Asia Argento, Unax Ugalde, Miriam Giovanelli, Rutger Hauer, Maria Cristina Heller, Augusto Zucchi, Franco Guido Ravera, Francesco Rossini, Giovanni Franzoni

Dario Argento is the Italian cinematic maestro that helped put Italian horror on the map in the 70s with such visual gore orgies as “Suspiria”, “Deep Red” and “Inferno”. His extreme visual style all but defined this particular subgenre of cult horror filmmaking. So when news came that he would be tackling Bram Stoker’s horror classic “Dracula”, it was welcomed with much anticipation. While Argento’s more recent output hasn’t matched his earlier efforts, this was a master taking on another master’s work. It had to be worth watching, right?

What is so shocking about the failure of “Argento’s Dracula”, a title affixed to the film following its theatrical release which was titled more simply “Dracula 3D”, is its utter lack of style of any kind. There is no visual flare to the camera set ups or the cinematography. The scenes are blocked very basically, almost as if it were a stage production at times. The CGI effects are pathetic. The acting is flat and uninspired. The dialogue is sophomoric. And, the whole production feels like it might be some perverted 8^th grade staging of the “Dracula” play… with boobies. 

I did like that Argento and his co-screenwriters stay fairly true to Stoker’s original story. In this age when vampires have been desensitized into some high school fantasy about being immortal and having superpowers while remaining celibate, it’s nice to see a filmmaker who appreciates and understands Stoker’s original intentions with the character as an extension of our primordial sexual desires and horrific solution to our need for familial lineage. The film improves greatly upon the entrance of Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing, much later in the story than most audiences are used to. It still isn’t good, but some of Stoker’s horror themes begin to shine past the terrible production values and utter lack of any apparent opinion about the material on the filmmakers’ parts. It’s a shame Argento didn’t try to make it his own, though.